YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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