dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
