Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
