I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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