I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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