please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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