Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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