I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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