I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
4 words: hood of his car
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
