we have officially lost it.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
