did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
