you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
