Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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