god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
