I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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