I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
