the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
