I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
