I am spending my child support on dildos
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
