somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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