I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize