Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
