Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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