I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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