i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
