i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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