a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
