Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
