My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
