After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Let's get the cat blown out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
