i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
