My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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