True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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