That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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