a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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