My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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