just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You pole danced in your parka.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
