the condom got lost in my hair
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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