The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
