if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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