I think I died a long time ago.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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