i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
