Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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