Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
