That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
