just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
