Where is the hickey?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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