She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
