Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize