You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
