from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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