Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize