At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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