I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
