Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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