In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
