he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
