Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
