Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
