you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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