i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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