No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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