Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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