12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
