you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize